You are loved, Daddy.
You are so very loved and so very missed. Dustin and I talk and reminisce about you often...I wonder if you know?
Have you seen your granddaughter growing? She knows about you and talks about you with us. She knows you are in heaven and wonder if you will come back someday. She also knows about the Grandpa Scott blankie...and it's magical powers of warmth. She saw a man with a salt and pepper beard in a baseball hat walking down the street and asked if that was you. I said no...Grandpa Scott doesn't wear suspenders ; )
Sometimes all I can say to express the feeling inside is "I love you" and
"I miss you"...though words never come close.
You are not forgotten. Never. Ever.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Primary Program
Today was a great day.
In April, I was made the 2nd counselor in the primary presidency in our ward. Me!?! The bishopric member who called me to this calling explained the details of the job. Sounded easy enough, though I'll admit, the part about teaching sharing time scared me. Ha! If only I had known then what fear really was. Soon after, I was filled in on my last duty...writing the primary program. "Okay", I thought. "I like being creative in my writing...let's give it a shot." I remember sitting in the foyer one Sunday with the most recently released 2nd counselor of the primary, when she turned to me and said "congratulations on your new calling."
"Thanks", I replied.
"Did ya know you get to write the primary program?"
"Yeah, they mentioned that."
...and then she smiled and said "good luck with that." And then she laaaaughed and laaaaughed.
Hmmmm...
Fast forward a few months and I would swear I was living an apocalyptic future except double the fire and earthquakes and throw in a ticking time-bomb. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee over 20 sleepless nights and heartburn from here to Montana.
HOWEVER...I'm posting this tonight to talk about the outcome...the final result of it all...what has changed because of it. I have changed because of it. Those kids were amazing today. Their message was the product of something I created, taught innocently and simply as only children can teach. When I wrote this program, I knew the family I wanted to cast for the "acting" part and as I thought about each one of them, the words just filled my mind. Same thing for the individual parts. I assigned kids certain parts...I didn't go down a list and assign "child a" to "part 1", I prayed about it first and listened to the spirit. Most of these kids, I have no idea who they are or what their background is. I overheard a mom talking to her teacher later that her daughter's part in the program was exactly what the mom needed to hear...something she was struggling with. Another woman said her niece's part made complete and absolute sense...her short, one-line part was "I can be an example to my family." Found out later the niece was the only baptized member of her immediate family, but with her aunt's help, her parents were receiving the missionary discussions.
Funny how it all falls into place.
Then there's me. Naturally my Dad comes to mind when I take on a spiritual challenge such as this. And the one person I really want to be there at the end of it all, can only be there in spirit. So I've been overwhelmed these last couple weeks...got sick on top of it all and almost hit my drowning point. When going through a box of important documents, frantically looking for something completely unrelated, I stumbled upon a treasure. See, when someone you love dies, all you have left is what they already gave you...letters, cards, pictures...memories. And while you cherish those beyond anything else, it's still not as good as getting something new. This day I got something new from my Dad. A card...for whatever reason unopened from my Dad to me - a year or so before he died. In it he told me how much he cherished the love we shared, how proud of me he was and how he couldn't have asked for a better daughter.
and then I could breath again.
The primary program I wrote was performed flawlessly. The kids were outstanding, the music was inspiring. I had my family there in the audience supporting me. And I can't even begin to describe the compliments I received afterward. One woman happened to be in town visiting her daughter and decided to come to church after falling on her hip hard in the night. She stuck around after several other groups left the chapel and even followed me over to primary, though I didn't notice at first. Then, we were introduced and she shook my hand.
"I've been in the stake primary presidency for over 45 years and I want you to know this was the best program I have ever seen. I was recently released, but if I were still in the presidency, I would ask for a copy of your program."
I don't think you can get a better compliment than that. I am rejuvenated in my calling and now feel like I can tackle any task before me. I know I had help along this arduous journey, from many sources, especially my compassionate and loving husband who helped me remember the importance of saying a prayer whenever you need help. My Heavenly Father loves me so much and I'm so aware of that now. After such a spiritual experience like today, I had to write it down and give thanks. I will always...always remember this moment in my life.
Today was a great day.
In April, I was made the 2nd counselor in the primary presidency in our ward. Me!?! The bishopric member who called me to this calling explained the details of the job. Sounded easy enough, though I'll admit, the part about teaching sharing time scared me. Ha! If only I had known then what fear really was. Soon after, I was filled in on my last duty...writing the primary program. "Okay", I thought. "I like being creative in my writing...let's give it a shot." I remember sitting in the foyer one Sunday with the most recently released 2nd counselor of the primary, when she turned to me and said "congratulations on your new calling."
"Thanks", I replied.
"Did ya know you get to write the primary program?"
"Yeah, they mentioned that."
...and then she smiled and said "good luck with that." And then she laaaaughed and laaaaughed.
Hmmmm...
Fast forward a few months and I would swear I was living an apocalyptic future except double the fire and earthquakes and throw in a ticking time-bomb. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee over 20 sleepless nights and heartburn from here to Montana.
HOWEVER...I'm posting this tonight to talk about the outcome...the final result of it all...what has changed because of it. I have changed because of it. Those kids were amazing today. Their message was the product of something I created, taught innocently and simply as only children can teach. When I wrote this program, I knew the family I wanted to cast for the "acting" part and as I thought about each one of them, the words just filled my mind. Same thing for the individual parts. I assigned kids certain parts...I didn't go down a list and assign "child a" to "part 1", I prayed about it first and listened to the spirit. Most of these kids, I have no idea who they are or what their background is. I overheard a mom talking to her teacher later that her daughter's part in the program was exactly what the mom needed to hear...something she was struggling with. Another woman said her niece's part made complete and absolute sense...her short, one-line part was "I can be an example to my family." Found out later the niece was the only baptized member of her immediate family, but with her aunt's help, her parents were receiving the missionary discussions.
Funny how it all falls into place.
Then there's me. Naturally my Dad comes to mind when I take on a spiritual challenge such as this. And the one person I really want to be there at the end of it all, can only be there in spirit. So I've been overwhelmed these last couple weeks...got sick on top of it all and almost hit my drowning point. When going through a box of important documents, frantically looking for something completely unrelated, I stumbled upon a treasure. See, when someone you love dies, all you have left is what they already gave you...letters, cards, pictures...memories. And while you cherish those beyond anything else, it's still not as good as getting something new. This day I got something new from my Dad. A card...for whatever reason unopened from my Dad to me - a year or so before he died. In it he told me how much he cherished the love we shared, how proud of me he was and how he couldn't have asked for a better daughter.
and then I could breath again.
The primary program I wrote was performed flawlessly. The kids were outstanding, the music was inspiring. I had my family there in the audience supporting me. And I can't even begin to describe the compliments I received afterward. One woman happened to be in town visiting her daughter and decided to come to church after falling on her hip hard in the night. She stuck around after several other groups left the chapel and even followed me over to primary, though I didn't notice at first. Then, we were introduced and she shook my hand.
"I've been in the stake primary presidency for over 45 years and I want you to know this was the best program I have ever seen. I was recently released, but if I were still in the presidency, I would ask for a copy of your program."
I don't think you can get a better compliment than that. I am rejuvenated in my calling and now feel like I can tackle any task before me. I know I had help along this arduous journey, from many sources, especially my compassionate and loving husband who helped me remember the importance of saying a prayer whenever you need help. My Heavenly Father loves me so much and I'm so aware of that now. After such a spiritual experience like today, I had to write it down and give thanks. I will always...always remember this moment in my life.
Today was a great day.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Summer days without you
Had a dream the other day. Don't remember much about it except for the end. I was at home with Taylor, who came into my room looking for a toy. I told her I didn't know where it was. She then asked where her Daddy was and I told her he was at work. Then she asked where Grandpa Scott was, and I said he was at work too. And for a second, a split second, it was true...you were out in the hot summer sun with your hat and sunglasses on, pushing that lawnmower. I saw it, like someone was showing me a movie clip...but only for a moment. Then I remembered. That's when I woke up.
I saw a friend of yours yesterday. He and I were chatting a bit when a woman asked how we knew each other. He said "her father passed away, what, four years ago?"
Some days it feels like fifty...others, like yesterday.
"Three, actually."
"Oh three...yeah, and his wife and son still live in our ward."
Then the woman said "I'm sorry" and I said "thank you" and that was about it.
There's this unspoken silence that happens when I run into people that you have know for many years. As if we both know the connection between us, but it isn't a happy one, not anymore. So we can't really talk about it, this common thread, so we're left not talking at all. It isn't necessarily uncomfortable, it's just the way things are...and the other person and I know it.
I miss you Daddy.
I saw a friend of yours yesterday. He and I were chatting a bit when a woman asked how we knew each other. He said "her father passed away, what, four years ago?"
Some days it feels like fifty...others, like yesterday.
"Three, actually."
"Oh three...yeah, and his wife and son still live in our ward."
Then the woman said "I'm sorry" and I said "thank you" and that was about it.
There's this unspoken silence that happens when I run into people that you have know for many years. As if we both know the connection between us, but it isn't a happy one, not anymore. So we can't really talk about it, this common thread, so we're left not talking at all. It isn't necessarily uncomfortable, it's just the way things are...and the other person and I know it.
I miss you Daddy.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Graduation Day for Seth
Today Seth graduates from high school. I know you will be there in spirit...sometimes that's just not good enough though. I remembered something you said to me a few weeks before you died. "You're my pride and joy"...that whole memory came flooding back to me while I was in the shower, of all places, and I just cried. That memory of course brought back others that weren't so good. I remember you and Jan asking me to be in charge of "pulling the plug" so to speak, on you if Jan were incapacitated for some reason and you had machines keeping you alive. I still don't know why, to this day, you think I could be the one to do that. I'm glad it never came to that...I think I would have let you down. I try to always think of you as you are now, happy and full of life in another realm staying busy doing missionary work and just waiting for your family to join you. That happy thought can only keep me going for so long before it breaks apart and I have a moment like now. I miss you and cry today with fresh tears as hot as the day you died. Good days and bad days...I know. I don't have much time left before I head out to your son's graduation. I hope having us all there at least helps the pain of not having you. Of course, maybe it's just one of those good days for Seth...who am I to drag him down? I love you Daddy...I hope today I can be "the rock" you used to call me.
See ya there.
See ya there.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Items of discussion left unfinished: #41
Okay okay...so the Star Wars prequels were on the other day and I have to give it to you...the guy that played the Emperor in the old Star Wars trilogies is the same guy that played him in the new ones. He just looked so OLD in the original three, I couldn't believe it was the same person! But, no...you were right. So there ya go ; )
Friday, December 19, 2008
Dear Daddy,
I miss you, though I'm sure you are aware of that. Time does seem to make it easier to think about you without endless tears streaming down my face, though some days I'm not as lucky. I want to thank you for the dreams...keep 'em coming. I love how we hug in every one of them...do you do that, or is it my subconscious giving me what I loved most about you? I don't really care...I'll take hugs in my dreams over none at all any day : )
Christmas is coming up in a few days - our third one apart. So much has happened...so many people have changed. I saw the perfect Christmas present for you the other day - a t-shirt that read "In Lawns We Trust" and on the back "all other weeds, we pull". I chuckled at that.
We got record snow fall this past week - it was so beautiful, these big thick flakes slowly falling to the ground. Took me half an hour to try to explain to Taylor that it wasn't rain, but snow. She still insists it's rain and I'm just a big dummy. I've gotten used to being wrong and am quite amused by how right she is most of the time. I've already learned not to doubt her and she's only 2. While it's been cold outside, we've been huddling together under the "Grandpa Scott blankie", for everyone in this house knows it is the warmest blanket on earth. I think you must have left some of your warmth behind in the clothes you wore because it's almost magical how fast you can warm up underneath it.
I love you...I'm sure you are aware of that too. I hope wherever you are, you have high-speed access to the internet and can read this letter. As Dustin would say, "it wouldn't be heaven without it". ; ) I never got to tell you before, but I'm so proud of you...so proud to say you are my Dad and to tell people who have never met you all about your life. I don't think I go a day without mentioning you to someone. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and wish the big JC a Happy Birthday from me.
Always your little girl,
Lisa
I miss you, though I'm sure you are aware of that. Time does seem to make it easier to think about you without endless tears streaming down my face, though some days I'm not as lucky. I want to thank you for the dreams...keep 'em coming. I love how we hug in every one of them...do you do that, or is it my subconscious giving me what I loved most about you? I don't really care...I'll take hugs in my dreams over none at all any day : )
Christmas is coming up in a few days - our third one apart. So much has happened...so many people have changed. I saw the perfect Christmas present for you the other day - a t-shirt that read "In Lawns We Trust" and on the back "all other weeds, we pull". I chuckled at that.
We got record snow fall this past week - it was so beautiful, these big thick flakes slowly falling to the ground. Took me half an hour to try to explain to Taylor that it wasn't rain, but snow. She still insists it's rain and I'm just a big dummy. I've gotten used to being wrong and am quite amused by how right she is most of the time. I've already learned not to doubt her and she's only 2. While it's been cold outside, we've been huddling together under the "Grandpa Scott blankie", for everyone in this house knows it is the warmest blanket on earth. I think you must have left some of your warmth behind in the clothes you wore because it's almost magical how fast you can warm up underneath it.
I love you...I'm sure you are aware of that too. I hope wherever you are, you have high-speed access to the internet and can read this letter. As Dustin would say, "it wouldn't be heaven without it". ; ) I never got to tell you before, but I'm so proud of you...so proud to say you are my Dad and to tell people who have never met you all about your life. I don't think I go a day without mentioning you to someone. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and wish the big JC a Happy Birthday from me.
Always your little girl,
Lisa
Monday, September 29, 2008
"Until you come, and sit awhile with me"
Yesterday we made it over to Jan and Seth's ward for Seth to be ordained as a priest. We waited in the foyer area on a couch and some chairs for Seth to give us the signal that we could join them for the ordination. Taylor played around, smiling and singing to herself. We kept reminding her to whisper and not to run in the church, though by this time she had already been at two different churches for almost five hours, so I knew it was a lot to ask. Dustin and I watched her play, smiled back and waited. I began to daydream and soon memories of my Dad walking the halls here came quietly to the front of my mind. I gazed out the door and lost myself in his memory. I thought I felt his presence walk through that door and sit down on the couch next to me, smiling as he did. I let myself stay in this moment for a bit...the place between a daydream and reality. We chatted a little about waiting for Seth and he told me he was happy we could be here for him. For this brief moment, all felt right again...though I knew it couldn't stay this way. Taylor called my name and I snapped back to reality, quickly looking over at her. When I glanced back, I felt his presence was leaving and I quietly mumbled "come back". I saw him softly smile as he faded away. Dustin asked me what the look on my face was and I told him about what I had just experienced. Instead of denying it or mocking me, he told me "I wouldn't doubt he would miss this" and gave me a reassuring smile. Ahhh, how thankful I am for these experiences...daydreams or not, how thankful I am.
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