Today Seth graduates from high school. I know you will be there in spirit...sometimes that's just not good enough though. I remembered something you said to me a few weeks before you died. "You're my pride and joy"...that whole memory came flooding back to me while I was in the shower, of all places, and I just cried. That memory of course brought back others that weren't so good. I remember you and Jan asking me to be in charge of "pulling the plug" so to speak, on you if Jan were incapacitated for some reason and you had machines keeping you alive. I still don't know why, to this day, you think I could be the one to do that. I'm glad it never came to that...I think I would have let you down. I try to always think of you as you are now, happy and full of life in another realm staying busy doing missionary work and just waiting for your family to join you. That happy thought can only keep me going for so long before it breaks apart and I have a moment like now. I miss you and cry today with fresh tears as hot as the day you died. Good days and bad days...I know. I don't have much time left before I head out to your son's graduation. I hope having us all there at least helps the pain of not having you. Of course, maybe it's just one of those good days for Seth...who am I to drag him down? I love you Daddy...I hope today I can be "the rock" you used to call me.
See ya there.
