in the end

It's funny...something so insignificant triggers a memory to me and it's just an inanimate object, place or word to someone else. Today, I'm driving Taylor to the doctor...she fell down the stairs and can't move her neck. I'm keeping it together, but not by much...every slight move for her is agony and it makes me want to break down. As I drive, I start to feel overwhelmed...she's crying in the back - in pain and there's nothing I can do. We stop at a stoplight and there's a car to my left with a white towel hanging over the passenger seat. Only for a brief second can I indulge in the simpleness of it, and then a flash of a memory...my dad...sitting on this towel on his computer chair doing the days bills. He said it was to keep him from getting to hot and sweaty...to prevent heat rash, he would say. We used to poke fun at it really and he would just smile...

Memory's can be so very sweet, and so very cruel...that towel flashes forward to the last time I see my dad alive. He's got edema now and his legs and feet weep...he rests them on a towel and tells me he how he wishes they would just go back to normal. I twinge at this sentence...it's the first time I hear regret...I force a solid comfort and a back scratch while choking on that lump in my throat...I start to feel overwhelmed...he's in pain and there's nothing I can do...

I quickly blink the tears back and focus on the green light ahead, driving on, leaving behind that towel and all its memories. I come to a realization...sometimes those you love hurt, and all you can do is be by their side and hurt with them. Taylor's quiet now - the pain medication must have kicked in...a sense of peace comes over me. I know, in the end, like everything, it will all be okay...in the meantime though, that lump I choke on doesn't seem to get any smaller...